Having “The Talk” with your kids

The Uncool Dad’s thoughts on the inevitable and impending conversation with his kids

My eldest son is 12. 13 this year. Next month actually. He’s a handsome chap (despite a terrible hair do) so I regularly take the piss and tease him by asking him about the girlfriend that he doesn’t have (supposedly), much to the dismay of my sister and the missus who think I’m going to give him a complex. It’s just a bit of banter. But he’s a cheeky bugger so I let him have it.

After putting it on him for a bit, he’ll usually try to shift the heat onto his sister by bringing up a boy in her class. But Daddy knows all about him..

Read the comments of that post if you fancy a laugh.

Let’s take a moment’s silence for the boys who think they’re worthy of dating my daughters.

Dwayne Johnson knows how it is:

I came across a post on the High Snobiety website that felt a bit out of place, which made me all the more curious. It was a super-awkward video of parents giving their children sex advice, featuring but not limited to a guy who I can only assume is either crazy or f*cking weird recommending his son “put his foot in it”. After watching this, it suddenly dawned on me that my eldest two are already in secondary school, closely followed by my step-son. I’m going to have to have the sex talk soon. Sh*t.

Go here for the full article.

Now playing up to the stereotype, most men won’t worry about their sons as much as they do their daughters. Maybe it’s the vulnerability we envision of our daughters. Admittedly, I worry more about the ‘safety’ of my daughters more than that of my sons. However, when it comes to having “the talk”, they’ll all get it just as awkwardly bad from me for different reasons.

One thing that I’m dreading the most as a father is watching my kids get their hearts broken. It’s going to happen. I’ve got Haagen Dazs ready for when it does (different flavour for how bad each heartbreak is). They’ll all get told to use protection. They’ll all get told to be responsible and to not let themselves get pressured into anything that they don’t want to do. And they’ll all get told that I will rip them limb from limb if they get up the duff/get someone up the duff before they’re responsible adults (unlike I was – I wasn’t responsible at all).

Most importanly, they’ll know that I’m here if they need me.

That, and that if anyone does mess with any one of my five kids, they’ll get my “foot in it”, and not in a good way.

Emil aka The Uncool Dad

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